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[14 Apr 2005|07:13pm]
[ mood | I can't stop laughing ]

hahaha hahahahaha

7Died Anyway Have Faith

[31 Mar 2005|08:45pm]
When I read this I felt a small piece of my world collapse.

Even family and close friends had a hard time understanding Mitch Hedberg, a St. Paul native who ran away from home and, despite living a scattershot life, became a runaway success as a standup comic.
Hedberg, whose space-case persona was as much part of his soul as it was his act, died early Wednesday morning in a New Jersey hotel room. He was 37. A medical examiner hasn't issued findings, but Hedberg's family is told he suffered a heart attack. His wife was with him.
After graduating from St. Paul's Harding High School, Hedberg rose through the local comedy ranks but made more of a splash on the road, catching his big break through a Comedy Central special. He became the Twin Cities' first breakout comedian of the 1990s.
He made several appearances on "Late Show With David Letterman" and Conan O'Brien's show, did more Comedy Central shows, produced two comedy CDs, was a favorite of Howard Stern and made cameo appearances in television and movies. His big dream, to have an HBO comedy special, was in the works.
Hedberg's one-liners, dished off in a spacey staccato, were based on absurdist, random observations. His long, dirty blond hair harked to the image of a 1970s stoner, and his success occurred in light of, in spite of and even because of his quarter-century affair with drugs and alcohol.
"I'd probably be living in Costa Rica, eating oranges on the beach, if I wasn't doing comedy," he told the Pioneer Press last September, just days before what would prove to be his last local performance, at the Orpheum Theatre in Minneapolis.
Hedberg was a particular favorite with college-agers and twentysomethings. Word of his death prompted a flood of e-mail and phone calls to the Pioneer Press Thursday.
One e-mailer wrote: "I am so damn sad to hear this news. Just had to tell someone."
Another wrote: "I just can't, and don't, want to believe this is true. Entertainment surely lost a good man today!!!"
For Hedberg's parents, Mary and Arnold Hedberg of Maplewood, their son's life was often just as excruciating and puzzling as was his death. Hedberg had spent two days in jail and six more weeks in a hospital for incidents involving drugs, according to a Los Angeles Times story.
"There's no two ways about it — having a son in the entertainment industry is challenging," Mary Hedberg said by telephone Thursday.
She recalls being at work when her oldest daughter called in a panic to tell her Mitch had packed some brown paper bags and left home. Mary Hedberg couldn't get home in time to see him off or talk him out of it.
"That was heartbreaking for us, but he kept in contact with us. He called as soon as the car broke down," she said. "You know, it was like putting him through college, even though he wasn't at college. But when he got his first break, we were just so thrilled for him, because we wanted him to know he was OK, and to have that self-confidence that he could do what he wanted to do."
Louis Lee, owner of the Acme Comedy Co. in Minneapolis, credits Hedberg, along with Lewis Black, for shaping a national resurgence in standup comedy.
"It's very difficult for one-liner comedians to get an audience going, but when Mitch worked here, you could see the kids call out the punchline," Lee said. "Mitch made the whole comedy community realize how important good writing is. It's a huge loss."
Hedberg was demonstrably thankful to his fans. Not long ago, a group of college students in Florida, speaking with Hedberg backstage after a show, mentioned how hot their dorm room was. Hedberg surprised them the next morning by showing up at the dorm with a new air conditioner.
"He had a heart of gold," his mother said. "He was a brilliant comic and a wonderful person".

Wow, he was amazing. 37. 37. unbelievable. If you don't know who he is, go buy his CD. Don't burn it, he's dead have a little respect.

Stay true.
2Died Anyway Have Faith

[25 Mar 2005|02:40pm]

Stay true.
3Died Anyway Have Faith

[20 Mar 2005|03:49pm]
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
it's been almost a month since I posted last. Stay cool I'll post again in a few weeks I guess.

Stay true.
P.S a lot of people on your list are GAY. click click says the gun
20Died Anyway Have Faith

[27 Feb 2005|02:33pm]
I hope he's good.

-Needs a title, so if you have one give it to me-

There's a picture in a frame
Her face is soft, but I forgot the name.
I dare to dream I am enough,
Because inside I am still in-love.
With love and fear I want to know *
If you my dear, love me so. *
In the frame you will stay,
And I'll ask you this another day.

*- sounds like a song I heard.

Stay true.
9Died Anyway Have Faith

[20 Feb 2005|09:42pm]
"I always think I'll never forget you, as I X out of an old journal entry. Beautiful, another day I lose waiting for something to change, waiting for love to find it silky fingers rubbing on my face again. How it hurts when I read a two part question, and both parts get a yes. I tried to keep the path lit up so bright I tried to keep your steps in line. How it hurt to find out that we were over to find out that the loss of each other was so perfect in the fact that we accepted the pain and enjoyed it. I'm sorry" says the boy as he lets the phone hang up slowly. A tear trickles down, and he smiles. Thinking to himself how "emo" his life has become.
"The only thing you lost was..."
If only the boy would have held the phone for a little longer. If only the receiver didn't wait so long. Either way the words fall on a close minded boy with nothing other than pain on his mind. SMOKING and DRINKING he thinks once again, this time smiling bigger. If only we knew. If only we knew.

Stay true.
10Died Anyway Have Faith

[19 Feb 2005|06:04pm]
Got my hair cut. Look like one of those babies-you-find-in-a-little-flower toys. Whatever though haha as long as it's not in my mouth while I eat I'm all good. I had a weird dream. If you have ever seen me, or said a word to me. You were in it, it was like a get together in my head. Cool cool.

Stay true.
4Died Anyway Have Faith

[04 Feb 2005|11:49pm]
This guy writes just like me.

Charles creeks open the heavy wooden door, and looks into the dark.
"You need anything?" laughs and then closes the door again.
"how long can the taste of dried blood stay in my mouth?"
A tiny yellow seed seems to be growing out of one of the walls, and attracts the attention of Tim. The seed slowly sprouts its light green stem, and unravels a small flower. Flower opens and reveals a blood red circle with two black specks placed so evenly apart the look somewhat like eyes. The door creeks open again.
"I hope you had enough to eat." Charles whispers as he walks into the dark with a flashlight pointed at Tims shining face. The light drifts on and off his face every now and then catching a glimpse of a tiny insect, or dirt stain on the wall behind Tim. A shiny metal object flickers in one hand and a flashlight in the other Charles gets closer and closer. "What did you eat?" A pause, followed by a slight chuckle and the sound of footsteps in water. Tims eyes try to hide behind his eyelids, but are forced out by the sharp pain of a incision running down his stomach. "I guess we'll find out soon".

In my absence I have found myself looking for a way to disapear. I need a nap.

Stay true.
2Died Anyway Have Faith

[01 Feb 2005|05:55pm]
I really hope that wasn't you.

Stay true.

[28 Jan 2005|09:13pm]
I was busy writing some party cliche's, but we all know me and such events don't really go well. So all in all this is what I have. All bundled up inside, there place it's supposed to be. That reminds me of dave mathews, same amount of syllables and such. I'm having a pretty reasonable life so far, I can't complain. It's all good and bad at the same time. I do feel one thing though. I feel misunderstood (YEY for little boys who say things like that) Like seriously though. I do things that to me seem intensely logical and pretty straight forward, but in the end noone knows why I did it or even what I'm doing. Take this for example. In a party of three there will always be one person left out, no matter what you are doing. Unless ofcourse you're doing one task which has multiple sub divisions and therefore you are all working together on the same project, but just doing different things. Anyway. I would rather be the one who was left out. And, here is why. I would rather be left out, because it doesn't matter to me. I would rather be left out than having someone else be left out, and at the end of the night feel sad and dramatize the evening. I would also rather leave though. Like instead of just being there I would leave, and end the entire ordeal for myself. Who knows who knows.

Stay true.(still misunderstood)
5Died Anyway Have Faith

[24 Jan 2005|01:14pm]
oh my. The world is concieted haha, I don't like it one bit. I don't care if you're good. You're not the best. I need to talk to someone who can appreciate something they didn't do, or who can see something cool and not have to try and copy it. Valerie, if you read this, how can you not get bored. I was about ready to pull out an imaginary gun, paint a picture inside my head, and then paste it onto the wall for you. And, I hope those onion rings go to your ass if you don't bring my CD someday soon. Who else reads this thing, that I can say something to? let's see this will be sketchy so don't get mad if you're left out hahaha. Happy birthday Meg(ooooo snap). How is that "fa shizzle" tube top going michelle?( I bet you get plenty of offers with that bad boy on.) I wonder if shannon still reads this? I hope I gave you enough time back tristen, I gave at least hmmmm 18 minutes I'd say. I wonder if frank reads this?That's pretty much all I can think of right now. Anyhow I'm going to get a blanket and take a nap. Pixies suck, who cares if they played at the end of fight club, I don't sound like them and I take it as a insult. I wonder if cory reads this? If you do you're gay, and you suck at beach volleyball and basket ball.

Stay true.
7Died Anyway Have Faith

[20 Jan 2005|08:53pm]
I don't think I'm in the right place, and most likely never will be. Today was the type of day I love, where you walk around slow and keep conversation to a minimum. Find yourself alone in your room and smile, because it's the only place you want to be at that very moment. People come and go, and that's all we are. We're just a diversion from the practical realization that we are in fact alone in this world. We always will be, and that's why people are so eager to get married, and have kids. We want to surround ourselves by things we can call our own so that instead of being alone, we're with ourselves. This is the reason that when you're with your best friend, no matter if you talk or not you feel better. This is the reason that we can be surrounded by people, but still be alone. I like it this way. I like sitting down and listening to people talk, but not actually caring what they say, because it means nothing other than they too feel alone. Why would you talk to someone if you weren't alone? You wouldn't talk to them, would you? This post will be cut short by my desire to nap.

Stay true.
2Died Anyway Have Faith

[19 Jan 2005|03:57pm]
Today was good. Someone is becoming me, it's pretty weird. I noticed this a few weeks ago, and thought nothing of it. Slowly day after day my words started flowing out their mouth, and not to the extent to where it's like "peace" for going away. That's a pretty well known term and everyone used that back in the day. But, this is where something I would say is what they say. Like a parrot man. No joke sometimes I actually hear him say exactly what I just said right after me. I don't know I just think it's odd how a person can do these things, and not go home and think they are a complete failure. They are unable to have their own style. What's also weird is how I would notice this. The only way I could possibly notice any of this is if I was looking for it. I would have to be doing things that I don't always do, and then notice when someone else does them. Which brings me to the subject of me being my own person once again. How much fun is it to look at yourself the way you look at others. I love it. We had to write some sketchy poetry for english today. Was fun.

Here's a little story. I got something in my eye when I was driving home from big lots, and it was in my eye and still is in my eye for about 2 hours now. So I showered, and washed my face, got soap inside my eye, washed it out. Guess what, the thing that was in my eye originally is still there, but the soap is gone so I guess I win in some way. That's the story.

-half lyrics-
Satin fingers write a note
I hope there's truth in what you wrote.
In my pocket it will stay
Till I find another place.

It sounds descent with some power chords and such. I'll probably not finish it so that's all we get.

Stay true.
Have Faith

[15 Jan 2005|11:19pm]
[ mood | cold ]

If only I had something that I could call my own. I would be happy. Something no one can steal. Friends? no Music? no Writing? no. If only we lived lives of our own, untainted by outside ideas. If only people could do things on their own without having to be influenced. If only I had a better picture.

Stay true.

7Died Anyway Have Faith

[09 Jan 2005|06:07pm]


Similarities? None.
Adopted? Yes.

Stay true.
7Died Anyway Have Faith

[04 Jan 2005|03:24pm]
Soft, sweet, candles on top, chocolate, vanilla, icing and such. I wish I had some perfect cake. The cake that one slice is enough. The cake where it's so delicious when you eat it you think "is anyone else thinking this cake is fantastic or is it only me who is enjoying it's tastiness". I want a big cake, so after I had my one slice that was tremendous and wonderful, perhaps I could get another one? maybe I could cut it up into many many many mini cakes and live off of them forever? maybe not. With my cake I want some tea I think. I want some good tea. Not brisk or lipton, but full core english tea. When I drink it I want to close my eyes and see kings Alfred and Henry, and a few knights, maybe a queen or two. Some jesters juggling, and a harp player, not playing the harp though, just sitting there watching the jugglers. I will walk up to the table and lay my tea down and say "taste this, it's wondrous" wondrous might not be a word, but it's all ok to me. Indeed the kings and knights noblemen queens and such will taste my tea and sat "holy mosses, and the red sea that's delicious" I will take my tea and then open my eyes and see my cake. That is what I truely want.

Stay true.
6Died Anyway Have Faith

[29 Dec 2004|03:49pm]
I might post more disgustingly sketchy pictures a little later but for now this is it.

5Died Anyway Have Faith

[21 Dec 2004|10:02pm]
A small girl armed with anger finds her way through a cold room filled with muffled voices and soft scratching. Her eyes blocked by her cascading black hair. Blood stained curtains sway in from the wind through the cracked class, and float across the room as if to hold her back. The wind catches her hair, and swiftly rolls it out of her face. For a moment innocence, for a second freedom from the hatred, and for the first time we felt safe. She looked across the room, past the broken mirror, and the bloodied carpet. Found herself staring directly into the eyes of truth and love, found herself stapled to the floor. The wind died down, and with it freedom. Her hair once again blocked her from the rest of the world, and we felt a chill wonder down our spines. I don't particularly know about the others, but I knew I was next. She started moving again, one small step after the other closer and closer. She stepped over the bodies, and effortlessly shattered the dreams we had of ever getting out. I tried not to look at her hoping I would somehow disappear from my nightmare of reality, and wake up in a bed on a lake with birds outside, but I knew it wouldn’t. I could almost hear here breathing above me. her small skinny arms reached down to me, and helped me up. I was told to turn around and get on my knees. I dazed into the white wall, although calming it held a secret which I did not want to know anymore. Parted by a large blade the air screamed, and I felt my muscles tense. A tear. The wall was painted with my soul as I drifted to the floor, and that's when I knew.

The face of death is so beautiful you’d do anything to get it.

I understand that many people find themselves reading what I write and telling me it makes no sense. Or that it was good, but they just don't get it. Well here is the summary. The small girl representing the average person who wants to fit in, she wants to be beautiful like the rest of the world. In the writing I wrote "we" meaning everyone. We were tied up in her room, and we never saw her true beauty we only saw her outer appearance, and we did not like what we saw. In the end, I died. It doesn't mean that anyone died. It means that once we get the divine wind on our side, and finally see her beauty. It would be too late. It's just writing so just read it haha. Thank you.

Stay true.
1Died Anyway Have Faith

[16 Dec 2004|11:55am]
[ mood | nipply ]

In the life of a adolescent the questions about love and hope are seldomly answered, and we find ourselves walking down a dark path. Many sub questions such and "Why are we here?" or "what are our goals?" sometimes take the drivers seat and allow us to lose sight of what we know matters the most.
A conversation starts between two teenagers, both in love and don't desire to get out. "You think we will get married and have children together?" The boy stairs off lost in her eyes as the question repeats it's self in his head. He stands with a loss of words, no witty remark, and no topic to fall back on.
The reason so many people don't know how to answer a question such as that is because it stems from a deeper primal instinct. We all want that one perfect person and we want them to be with us along side on our outrageous adventures, and we want them to listen and learn from us. But, our instincts tell us something else. It tells us we should not shackle ourselves to a single mate, but move on to many mates and reproduce. In todays society what I just said was completely immoral, but it is true.
Going back to the little boy, we don't want to answer the question because we don't want to know what the real answer is. Any descent man would answer it with a yes, no doubt, no stumbling for words. Inside though, he will always be thinking on improving. "Is there someone better for me?" "Is there someone that much closer to perfection?"
Faces change, and people grow old, and the little boy will one day find himself in the arms of a older women, his jokes will become overplayed, and his usual perkiness will seem to have died down. Another generation will take the stage in the play of life, and show us where we went wrong right before our once dark path is lightened by a million blinding stars. The little boy will have lost hope in finding his perfect mate, even though she may have been in front of him all his life, and the little girl will believe that she was perfect. All girls are perfect, and it's just us men who have to understand no matter how much we search or how far we travel for perfection, it's all about loving the one you're with. All though a few close friends and some young girl you meet in a bar might be able to bring happiness for a while, all it is doing is directing your attention somewhere else while the magician puts the rabbit in the hat. We all lose sight of what is true, and where our hearts are. One day we will all die with our little to no hope and our loveless marriages, but trust me. You were and still are perfect, it's only lust that has lost interest.

Now I know for a fact some people who might be taking that as a essay for them, and maybe it is. For the rest of you that is my essay, my first self written essay, and it is on the thing that drives us for a better future, what directs us to the door when the usher comes to clean the mess we made. Love life, because I'm not sure, but so far it looks like we only have one.

Stay true.

7Died Anyway Have Faith

[14 Dec 2004|08:58pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

You selfish selfish child. I was trying to help. It wasn't even about me. Never again never again.

Have Faith

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